I’m speaking here to the type of conflict that you cannot deflect, repair or mitigate, as much as you try.  When the other party has dug in their heels and, despite your best efforts, there does not seem to be a common ground that can be found.

We have all been there – sometimes we know it is coming and have to brace for it.

What to do?  What to do?

I’m older now …

In my youth, I would have made a stink, a ‘scene’ – offense is the best form of defense, is it not?

Don’t take this to mean that I back down now, it just means that I believe that calm minds should and can prevail ~ difficult as that is.  In fact, the person who keeps their cool always wins in my experience.

Take it as a challenge to your intelligence, your tact and your ability to negotiate and/or compromise – as the issue demands.

So why is this a Life Tip?

Because there is a way to fairly evaluate the situation – to take away any pride, any personal righteousness, any spite (if that is your wont), any petulance – Leaving ; 1. Logic, 2. Facts, 3.  An interest in resolution.  (yes, yes, and a desire to Win!)

Firstly, step away – if you can, physically as well as mentally.  Just for a little bit.  Take a breather.

Secondly, argue the other side in your mind – look at is as preparation so that you don’t get blindsided.   If you were they, how would you put forward the point or opinion that they are looking for you to embrace?  When you understand the points supporting the other side, you are a step ahead.

Deeper, can you find a reason that they are sticking to their guns?  Do they have an emotional or other attachment?

Address the logical points they may have.  Have a game plan.

If possible, find a common ground from which to start – find something that you both agree on and put that forward first.

Then Crush Them With Your Logic!!!

Just kidding .. sort of 🙂

Bottom line:

We cannot avoid conflict in life.  Most are not Black and White.  Not even in our own minds, let alone when others are involved.

I am a Right or Wrong, Yes or No person ~ I often have challenges with Shades of Grey … but there it is.  Such is life.

The most important thing to remember is that we cannot speak for others, for their reasoning, their triggers or their life history.

We can only control ourselves and make value-added judgments with every different situation put in front of us.

So, long story long, embrace conflict and accept that it is a part of life.

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose ~ sometimes there is a compromise.

Never be timid about standing up for your point of view if you have really evaluated the other side and still believe yours to be true.

Never be shy about finding a common ground and agreeing to differ with someone if no resolution is possible.

Never be embarrassed if you are wrong at the end of the day – Step Up and Admit it – it goes a long way for future relationships and respect.

Either way, be gracious.  Be thankful that we live in a place, a City, a Country and with people that we can differ.